EVERY parent would grapple to explain the pain of losing a child.
Molly Kerr is no different.
“I don’t really know how to describe it,” she said through tears.
“It just feels like something is missing all the time.
“I just feel so lonely. I always had Ava with me and now she’s not there.”
Last August, Molly and her partner Clay were thrilled to discover she was pregnant with their first child.
“We’d been trying for a few months, so we were really excited,” she said.
“We were looking forward to starting our next chapter with her; we even had her room set up, ready to bring her home.”
The Mildura couple pictured how their little family would look once Ava June entered the world, leaving 2020 and COVID-19 behind.
But 20 weeks into Molly’s pregnancy, their vision was shattered, after a routine ultrasound found Ava had developed a rare, life-threatening condition.
A week later, at a Melbourne hospital, it was confirmed Ava had a severe congenital cystic adenomatoid malformation, also known as CCAM or CPAM, which causes a cyst or mass in the chest.
The benign lump on her left lung had moved her heart to the right and was pushing on her bowel and diaphragm, preventing her from swallowing amitotic fluid.
“We were told it was inoperable and that steroids were our only option, with not very good odds that our girl would make it,” Molly said.
Although they held out hope their baby would pull through, Molly gave birth about three weeks later and Ava’s heart stopped beating shortly after.
“We will forever treasure our hours of holding our daughter and taking in every perfect feature,” Molly said.
“We may never get to hold her hand or hear her voice, or watch her grow, but she will forever be in our hearts.”
In the weeks following Ava’s birth, Molly said she and Clay received an outpouring of support as they faced a future without their daughter.
Friend Colby Rhodes set up a GoFundMe fundraiser to help the couple give Ava a perfect send-off.
She said as a mother herself, she couldn’t imagine the pain and stress Molly and Clay were facing.
“I know the funeral would help give them closure, but there comes the massive expense of doing that,” she said.
“Nobody has a funeral fund up their sleeve for stuff like this.
“I just felt that, although you can’t ease the burden of grief, you can take the pressure off in other ways.”
More than $6000 has been raised; a sum that astonishes Molly and Colby.
“We had people in our circle donating, but then people I don’t even know and others anonymously,” Molly said.
“We’d like to thank everyone for their support and kind messages.
“Even though Ava didn’t get to meet everyone, we’re still so touched by just how loved she was and still is.”
Although the pain of losing Ava remains raw, Molly said she hoped to raise awareness of CCAM, which is estimated to affect about one in 35,000 births.
“When we were in Melbourne, they said they might see one like this a year in all of Victoria and Tasmania,” she said.
“From the way they were talking, it sounded like they were researching the steroids as well; that they hadn’t really had to use them before.
“They can operate on some of the masses, but Ava’s was just too big. It was already 6cm by the time we had the scan.”
“If people know more about it, hopefully that means there can be more research to give babies who suffer from it a better chance,” Colby said.
