ALP staffer: Right are we all zoomed in? Can you hear us there, Dan? Hope you’re feeling well.
Dan Andrews: Morning guys, we all good? Just saw you on the TV, Sutto, looking good mate. James, don’t get too comfortable in the big chair, pal?
(General guffawing) Now, what are the numbers looking like today?
Brett Sutton: Well sir, we have driven the case numbers down to zero in Orbost, Phillip Island, Mildura, Horsham, Ballarat …
Dan: Yep, yep, I get the point, basically everywhere. So where did those numbers start at in all those places before our latest lockdown?
Brett: Um, zero sir.
Dan: Great work guys.
James Merlino: But the people in regional Victoria don’t see it that way, boss.
Dan: The people where?
James: Regional Victoria.
Dan: Oh, them. I used to live in regional Victoria.
Martin Foley: They say that you’ve forgotten them, sir.
Dan: Who have?
Martin: Never mind, sir.
Dan: So is anyone else upset?
ALP staffer: Well basically every small or medium business in the state, sir. Oh, and parents of schoolchildren, particularly in places that have never had a case, they aren’t overly pleased that their kids have missed even more school after missing so much last year. They keep using words such as ‘disproportionate’ and ‘nuanced’.
Dan: But I heard Sutto tell them about the ‘beast’ and ‘fastest moving strain ever’, are they not scared enough? Don’t they know I’ve kept them safe? There’s no pleasing some people. Anyway, what about our own people, those in the public service?
ALP staffer: Yeah, they’re all good, sir. Happy working on full pay from home in their Ugg boots.
Dan: I bet they are. Getting bloody cold out there. (General guffawing) And the unions? They’re happy?
ALP staffer: Mostly, but we did have to shut down one construction site because a worker got infected.
Dan: (Thumps the desk) That can never, ever happen again. Got it?
All together: Yes boss.
Dan: OK, OK. But overall, another great result team. Keep it up and Uncle Dan might just be able to throw another bonus in the Christmas stocking.
All together: Thanks boss.OK, I’ll remove the tongue from my cheek, but making light of a tough situation is a very Australian way of coping.
And the term ‘this is a joke’ has become commonplace in regions like Mildura when referring to the strict government restrictions and lockdowns for small coronavirus breakouts in Melbourne.
While there was some relief at the further easing of restrictions for regional Victoria on Thursday, so much damage has been done that will impact for some time to come.
Was it all necessary?
As I’ve argued in this column consistently for the last year, was the untold damage on the livelihoods of people in proportion to the dangers of the virus in places like Mildura?
And why is a blanket statewide lockdown the only game plan in the play book of Victoria’s Chief Health Officer Brett Sutton and his colleagues?
The Victorian Government hates being compared to New South Wales, but their premier Gladys Berejiklian plays a very different game. She didn’t panic and shut down Gol Gol or Broken Hill when someone contracted COVID in Bondi.
Sunraysia Daily has highlighted countless stories over the past year of businesses who have been either left on their knees, or forced to shut completely, due to blanket restrictions. This despite there being no new cases of coronavirus in more than 13 months. Not within hundreds of kilometres.
Just this week, we revealed the 130-year-old Mildura Grand Hotel had crashed from a 90 per cent occupancy rate to 2 per cent on the back of the latest lockdown, and had gone from 40 staff before COVID to just five.
It is devastating. And the confidence is shot given that blanket lockdowns continue to be the only game plan.
For now, all we can do is get vaccinated as soon as we are eligible.
And to keep supporting our local businesses where and when we can.
That much, at least, is in our control.
